


Better In Your Arms

by ifitsanimallove



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Non-Serum Steve Rogers, Pining, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:06:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7426837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifitsanimallove/pseuds/ifitsanimallove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve never becomes Captain America, but Bucky does go to war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better In Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of feelings, lots of cuddles.

They used to cuddle all the time, when they were little. Personal space barely existed. When they’d read, or play, or nap, or have sleepovers. Bucky’s head would always be on Steve’s shoulder, or lap, or on his back, on days when Steve decided to lay on his stomach and sketch in his notebook.

Steve would push him away at first, always playfully. Bucky would laugh and push him back, and then settle comfortably where he intended. And Steve would always relax into it, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

On cold nights or rainy afternoons, Bucky would hold Steve close to his chest, “Gotta keep you nice an’ warm, Stevie. Don’t want you gettin’ sick an’ all.” Steve would protest for a second, because he likes to play tough, and then cuddle as close to Bucky as humanly possible. Sometimes they would fall asleep, sometimes Bucky would tell him stories (most of them majorly exaggerated, but Steve doesn’t mind. He secretly loves it when Bucky goes all out in his stories, but he never quite tells him that). Sometimes Steve would hum a tune and they would just stay there until it gets a little warmer, or until Bucky’s stomach starts to rumbles.

When they got a bit older, Steve would tense up if Bucky ever had his head in his lap. And when Bucky held him close to his chest, Steve would breathe in slowly, desperately try to hide his slightly-faster-than-usual-heartbeat, hoping that with the thunder outside, it may go unnoticed.

When Steve would lay on his stomach to draw, and Bucky would put his head on Steve’s back, he would blush furiously at how close he is to Steve’s ass, and god he’s so glad Steve can’t see his face. He would sneak up a look or two, and even though Steve is skinny and small, Bucky loves what he sees. He never mentions it. Not even as a sarcastic joke.

When Bucky started having ladies around, they wouldn’t cuddle as much. Sure, Steve misses it. Especially since he never found his own lady to cuddle instead of Bucky. (”Nah, I’m good, Buck. Don’t worry about me. ‘M all grown up now, don’t need to hide from thunders.”) But Bucky always felt a little guilty when he’d spend a rainy night with his girl when he knew Steve was on his own.

The night before Bucky went away, Steve knew Bucky had set them up for a double date. Steve said he’d go, because it was a chance to spend more time around Bucky, even if the girl Bucky found for him wouldn’t be interested in him. (And, just like he thought, she wasn’t.) But that morning, they had a couple of hours to hang out, just the two of them. They were outside, it was a nice day. Steve had found a quiet spot somewhere in the middle of all the chaos that was constantly happening around them. There was a small patch of grass with a nice tree to lean on, and even if it wasn’t ideal, it was nice. So they sat, and Steve had his notebook, sketching the people passing by. At first, Bucky leaned against the tree next to Steve. But a moment after, he had his head in Steve’s lap, fitting just as perfectly as he always did. Steve blushed a bit, but Bucky didn’t notice. And while Steve was drawing, Bucky started telling Steve stories about the guys he’s met from the 107th. Exaggerated stories, as always, and Steve was beaming. He felt relaxed and at home, and he didn’t want to think about tomorrow.

-

When Bucky came back from the war, he was different.

He was still Bucky, he was still Steve’s Bucky. But he was sad. His eyes were unfocused. He’s been through hell and back. Steve tried to ask, once, and Bucky smiled sweetly, and said that it’s better off if that part of his life stayed in the past.

Steve never got enlisted. Once he finally managed to get over it, and got a job at a hospital where he was still helping people, he spent every moment of every night thinking about Bucky. Worrying. Trying not to imagine the worst. Some nights, he had nightmares. One time, there was a thunderstorm, and Steve cried himself dry the entire night. That’s why every night since Bucky got back, Steve insisted on sleeping right next to him. Bucky didn’t try to protest. He was happy to have Steve back. To be back at the comfort of his home. Steve reminded him that he was safe. He was okay.

Because of their size difference, Bucky always used to be the big spoon. But ever since Bucky came back from the war, Steve took over the big spoon role before Bucky could even blink. He held Bucky close to him, as close as he could, burying his head in Bucky’s shoulder blades, breathing him in. One night, when Bucky’s breathing slowed down a bit, and his muscles relaxed, Steve let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. “I’m so glad you’re here. So glad you’re with me. Missed you so much, I could kiss you right now.” Steve whispered into Bucky’s neck, both of them already half asleep. Bucky hummed in acknowledgment, and moved to hold Steve’s hand, the one that was wrapped around his chest. While Steve was seconds from falling asleep, he realized what he had said, and hoped Bucky would be too tired to remember in the morning.

When he wakes up, Bucky is not there.

At first, he startles. Then, he hears chairs moving outside the bedroom, and realizes Bucky must be in the kitchen.

Bucky has been awake for hours, Steve can tell. Must still be on army-time, he thinks, but doesn’t mention it. He hopes Bucky didn’t have any nightmares, and takes a mental note to be a little more alert the next night, just to make sure Bucky is okay.

“Hey there, sleepyhead.”

“Hey yourself. You made coffee?”

“My third cup already. Help yourself, pal.”

Steve pours himself some coffee and sits across from Bucky. There’s a certain tension in the air, but Steve can’t quite figure it out. They drink their coffees in silence.

“Did you mean it?” Bucky’s voice breaks the silence.

Steve finishes swallowing the gulp of coffee he just took and asks, “What?”

Bucky won’t meet his eye. He seems to be very focused on Steve’s pajamas.

“Did you mean what you said last night? I heard that, you know. I wasn’t asleep. Did you really want to kiss me?” 

Steve feels like his face is on fire. Not only did he forget he actually said that last night, but he certainly didn’t expect Bucky to bring it up.

He’s known for a long time that his feelings for Bucky are stronger than just friendship. Yeah, they’re best friends, and have known each other for years. But he knew it was different. It wasn’t brotherly love, but it was definitely more than just feelings of friendship. He’s thought about it, quite a lot. Allowed himself to fantasize about Bucky, in more than one way. In his fantasies, he would imagine a hundred different times the way Bucky would confess his love for him. He imagined grand gestures and small humble ones. He imagined them out in the park on a sunny day, or hiding in a blanket fort from the thunders outside. He imagined them, more than once, sweaty and naked in bed, words of love falling from their lips, not being able to stop them. But he never planned to act on those feelings. Because Bucky was his best friend, and Steve was not willing to risk their friendship for a chance of something that might never happen anyway. His loyalty was for Bucky’s friendship. That was the number one thing, the most precious treasure he’s ever had. And if he ruined that, if he broke that because of his own feelings that are not even mutual, he could never forgive himself. So he kept it to himself, and enjoyed the moments when they shared a little more intimacy than usual in silence, smiling and feeling his heart swell in his chest, savoring those moments to the fullest, so he could remember every detail later when he felt lonely.

But now, Bucky is right there, and he’s (finally) looking at him, the tips of his ears bright red. He’s holding his empty cup of coffee a little tighter than he needs to, waiting for Steve’s answer.

“Did you mean that?” 

“I… I don’t know.” Steve stares into his own cup of coffee, face still burning, and he knows his voice doesn’t sound at all convincing. He doesn’t want to lie to Bucky, but he’s so scared he’s about to ruin every good thing he has in his life. 

“Steve…” Bucky reaches out his hand and places it on Steve’s, forcing his fingers off the cup so he can hold them. “Did… did you mean that?”

Bucky’s voice is softer than usual, and Steve has to fight back the tears in his eyes. He lets Bucky hold his hand, but still won’t meet his eye.

“I did.” 

His voice almost cracks when he says that. And before he realizes it, Bucky is up from his chair and moving towards him. Steve finally looks up to see Bucky’s own teary eyes getting closer and closer, so close, impossibly close, and then Bucky kisses him. It’s soft and gentle and sweet, but so powerful, Steve is almost dizzy with it. When Bucky pulls back, he smiles, and then laughs. God, Steve has missed that laugh. It’s been too long since he’s heard it.

“I was hoping you did” Bucky said. His hands were cupping Steve’s face, and it took Steve a second too long to realize that this was happening, this was real. 

“Yeah?” Steve said timidly, feeling like a child, like all his dreams just came true, not knowing quite how to process and respond. 

“Yeah, jerk, I really really did.”

Bucky smiles into their next kiss, and so does Steve.

It may not have been the way he imagined it would happen, but it was real, which made it so much better than any fantasy he’s ever had.

It was real, and they were there, and it was REAL. Steve has never been happier.


End file.
